Tips for a Happy Commute
For my fellow Staten Island express bus riders...
1. Have a metrocard with money on it. Don't walk on the bus with a $5 bill asking people to borrow theirs. I don't want to have to go to the subway to fill my card either, but I do.
2. Put your cell phone on vibrate. Nobody wants to hear Party Like a Rockstar, Lip Gloss or The Way I Are blasting from a phone in the morning--or evening for that matter.
3. While on the bus, refrain from using your cell phone. Calls such as "I'm running a few minutes late" or "I'm stopping for breakfast, can I get you something?" are completely acceptable. Calls to Jennifer* to talk about how fat Michelle* looked Saturday night, and then calling Michelle* to say I can't believe how drunk Jennifer* was Saturday night, are not acceptable. The whole bus does not need to hear your conversation. Besides, chances are they will call each other when you hang up with them so they can talk about what a bitch you are. Save yourself the embarrassment.
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
4. Refrain from bringing any kind of smelly food on the bus.
5. Don't pretend that you don't speak English when someone asks if you can move your stuff so they can sit there. Yeblan! That means "fucker" in Russian, I'll bet you understand that.
6. If you tend to drool, spread your legs from one end of the bus to the other, or lean on the person next to you when you fall asleep, stay awake!
7. When people start to get off at their stops and you are sitting on a half empty bus, move to an empty row. There is no longer a need for us to snuggle. I don't know and you don't know me.
8. If you're in an aisle seat and you're sticking your foot out, don't be annoyed when people step on it. Jackass...
9. Its rush hour. In New York City. Don't sit there and curse when you're stuck in traffic. Is it really a big fuckin' surprise?
10. And please, please please....I beg of you, wear deodorant!
1. Have a metrocard with money on it. Don't walk on the bus with a $5 bill asking people to borrow theirs. I don't want to have to go to the subway to fill my card either, but I do.
2. Put your cell phone on vibrate. Nobody wants to hear Party Like a Rockstar, Lip Gloss or The Way I Are blasting from a phone in the morning--or evening for that matter.
3. While on the bus, refrain from using your cell phone. Calls such as "I'm running a few minutes late" or "I'm stopping for breakfast, can I get you something?" are completely acceptable. Calls to Jennifer* to talk about how fat Michelle* looked Saturday night, and then calling Michelle* to say I can't believe how drunk Jennifer* was Saturday night, are not acceptable. The whole bus does not need to hear your conversation. Besides, chances are they will call each other when you hang up with them so they can talk about what a bitch you are. Save yourself the embarrassment.
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
4. Refrain from bringing any kind of smelly food on the bus.
5. Don't pretend that you don't speak English when someone asks if you can move your stuff so they can sit there. Yeblan! That means "fucker" in Russian, I'll bet you understand that.
6. If you tend to drool, spread your legs from one end of the bus to the other, or lean on the person next to you when you fall asleep, stay awake!
7. When people start to get off at their stops and you are sitting on a half empty bus, move to an empty row. There is no longer a need for us to snuggle. I don't know and you don't know me.
8. If you're in an aisle seat and you're sticking your foot out, don't be annoyed when people step on it. Jackass...
9. Its rush hour. In New York City. Don't sit there and curse when you're stuck in traffic. Is it really a big fuckin' surprise?
10. And please, please please....I beg of you, wear deodorant!
posted by JJ at 8:54 PM
1 comments
